Touch Jamie's food, and die.
2008-May-20 |
****
I love my food. So much so, that if someone tries to eat my food, it takes all my strength to resist killing them.
With my bare hands.
Worst still, drinking out of my bottle. Get your own fucking bottle. I don't need your saliva resonating at the bottom of my bottle, breeding on the mouth piece. If I wanted that, i'd kiss you. But I don't. So don't drink out of my bottle. Cunts.
It doesn't bother me what age they are. They could be an innocent child, reaching over and eating a chip from my plate. Or they could be an old lady, unable to walk, who has taken a liking to my sandwich. Either way, they will face J-Day. Kind of like Judgement Day, but with me instead of God. Where, in all seriousness, they'd likely face a fork in the eye.
Today, my box of red grapes. £2.00 from Tesco, I put in my fridge. It sits waiting for me to arrive back from College. I then take them to my room and sit watching TV whilst chomping on them. I get back from college today, and my grapes have been opened and a few had gone missing. Imagine my shock and distress.
I questioned my family. Mum loves grapes. Dad eats anything. The cat would eat his own shit if it were infront of him, and Lauren doesn't eat any thing that may have a positive impact on the body. So, that eliminates Lauren. Which is odd, because whenever something negative happens, Lauren is the usual culprit. But not this time. Healthy food plus Lauren, just don't mix.
Dad and Mum stuck together. They blamed the cat. Now, the grapes were in a box, in the closed fridge. Which means, the cat would have had to have opened the fridge, and then ripped the packet off the grapes, threw the packet in the bin, used his paws to take a couple of the grapes off their branch, and put them back. So straight the way I discredited the 'Cat did it!' story, mainly because, Marty doesn't like grapes. Why would he open the fridge for something he doesn't like? That's just ridiculous.
So that leaves the parents. Stealing off their own child. Too cowardly to admit their grave mistake that could ultimately, lead to the break up of the entire family. I'm tempted to take them onto Jeremy Kyle to sort this out. Justice will be served. Jamie doesn't share his food with anyone.
Equally, I could just buy some more. |
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2008-May-20 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by WelshPixie |
Too cowardly to admit their grape mistake!
Ee har har. |
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2008-May-20 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by thedietcokeofevil |
| ah, quit bitching. I have seven roommates plus one of their girlfriends who is almost always here. How long do you suppose a pizza lasts in my house? Or a roll of toilet paper for that matter? I seriously have to hide toilet paper. What kind of bullshit is that? |
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