The Phone
2008-Jun-11 |
As i'm sat here, with my pizza, watching the self righteous cunt Jeremy Kyle tell people how shit they are, compared to him, it occured to me, quite naturally.....
"I fucking hate phones."
All phones.
Not just mobile phones.
I actually hate them more than MSN Messenger. Which, was my most significant life hatred, before discovering my deeper hatred, for phones.
When we're not busy working 24 hours a day to make other people rich, we're on our phones. We keep our phones in our pockets. We keep them on vibrate. We need to be in contact with everyone, all the time.
And what's worse? Those fucking blue tooth headsets on the left side of buisnessmen's faces. Headsets that I don't see. Because i'm sat to their right hand side, on the train. So i'm answering everything they say.
"Hi is Teresa there please?"
*me looking around in confusion*
"No, it's just me, Jamie, i'm the only one here. What is wrong with you?"
"Hi Teresa it's Mike, I was wondering if you're free tonight.."
*deeper confusion on my face*
"I'm Jamie. Who's Teresa? I'm certainly not free tonight"
"Fine bitch! All I asked for was one date! Fuck you!!"
*anger growing on my face*
"Who the fuck you calling a bitc...............ooooooh you're wearing a headset"
Do you have that type of friend who enjoys telling you about their mobile phone package, regardless of if you asked or not?
They burst into their 10,000 free Weekend minutes. I never asked about that!! I would never intentionally say "Now that we're here, tell me about your current mobile phone package." And anyway, there isn't 10,000 minutes in a weekend, you were ripped off before you even signed up.
When I got my current Phone, which is either a Samsung, Nokia, or Sony Eriksson. I have no idea. And I can't be bothered to go and look. When I turned it on, about two minutes into charging it for the first time, rebelling against the instruction manual that clearly states "Charge for four hours, NEVER TURN IT .. FULLY CHARGED OR YOUR TESTICLES WILL EXPLODE!!!", I looked in my picture folder, to find a random promotional picture, of a smiling-cheesy-punch them all in the face family on a beach. What the fuck do I want a picture of someone elses family for?
Predictive text is the most ridiculously annoying feature of any gadget on the entire planet. I want to spell "bar" I get "car". So I get a txt off a family member asking where I am, and i'm sending "I'm in the car, slightly drunk, be home soon".
I want "coat" I get "boat". So I lose my coat, in the bar, I end up txting "I'm in the bar, slightly drunk, be home soon, can't find my boat". My family think i'm drunk driving, whilst slowly losing my mind by looking for a boat, I have never owned. All because predictive text, is about as correct in it's predictions, as Nostradamus.
House phones are just as bad. Especially ours. We used to have an upstairs phone, and a downstairs phone. I could be on the upstairs phone, and dad would pick the phone up downstairs, and start dialing. I'd be like...
"Can you put the phone down please, i'm on it."
*beep beep beep* - Dad dialling again.
"Hellooooo? Put it down! I'm on it up stairs!!!"
*beeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeep* - Dad pushing the buttons harder.
"Helllllllllllloooooooooooooo?"
*Dad now thinks he's got through to someone*
"Who's this?"
"It's me!"
"Ismey? I don't know any Ismey"
"It's Jamie! I'm on the upstairs phone!!"
"What the fuck are you ringing us from upstairs for? Come down and talk to us you lazy git."
It just never works.
It's a nightmare waiting to happen.
I'm tempted to destroy my mobile phone, and just surround myself with people I want to be in contact with. Turning my head slightly, to face them, the moment someone wants to talk to me. |
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2008-Jun-11 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by themaninjapan |
| Haha. Predictive pisses me off too. I'm sick of trying to decode everything my friends send me to try and figure out the least offensive option. |
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2008-Jun-11 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by thelostprophet |
| Yeah fair play - I'm really not into the whole "mobile phone obsession" thing. I've got some old Nokia that I don't even use that much apart from the odd text. It actually annoys me to walk down a busy high street these days and see nearly every other person chatting away on their phone *sigh*. |
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2008-Jun-11 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by WelshPixie |
I like my phone :( But it's black and silver. I like anything black and silver. It's all about aesthetics, baybee!
Ahem.
I like my phone because it allows me at any time of day or night to send silly messages to people who I think would like to see my silly messages because it might make them smile. I might be disillusioned on this point ;p
I don't use predictive. Being Welsh and having a lot of Welsh slang in my texts when I'm texting Welsh buddies, it kinda doesn't work. Well - it doesn't work anyway, hehe, as you so amusingly demonstrated :D Ewan spends just as much time scrolling through word options on his predictive text as I do just typing the whole word out the non-predictive way. |
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2008-Jun-11 - <i>Untitled Comment</i> |
| Posted by littleMissConfused |
I HATE all mobile phone devices. I am a cashier in a grocery store and my biggest pet peeve is the blue tooth phones. I have no idea if the customer in front of me is talking to me...or the person on their phone. Also I hate people who will dial their phone just as they get into the check out line....How rude! you might as well just say..."you are a lowly worker not deserving of my time.....I have other people much more important to talk too"
I love to squish those peoples breads and crack there eggs....let them talk about THAT to there more important people!
*hides her mobile phone lest it reads this and quits working*
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