In 37AD it was known that if the Emperor of Rome, the balding, ugly Caligula, ran across a man he considered good looking, who had a full head of hair, Caligula would have the man taken into into private rooms, and have his head brutally shaved, leaving gashes in parts of the head that Caligula most disliked.
Caligula then made it a capitol offence to look down on him, or mention Goats in any context, because he considered Goats hair to be a threat. His clear madness was probably the result of three hours sleep a night every night.
Now, since leaving college, i've had about 8-9 hours sleep a night. So, technically, in my line of thought, my response to anyone who insults my apparent lack of hair, should be three times more severe than hating goats. Of course this is almost 2000 years later, but the punishment for verbally attacking my hair, should be the same, or even harsher. You should be put to death. Death my non-stop Eurovision repeats from the past thirty years, whilst your eyes are kept open. You'd soon go mad and your head would explode.
I have less hair than I did when I was 17. It's slowly falling out. The process has slowed down quite momentously over the past two years. My head kind of just said "Ok, we'll leave you with a bald patch and a horribly receeding hairline." It's blatantly punishing me for my long haired days....
I could go bald graciously and do fuck all about it. My old man did that. Or, I could take the metrosexual route, and have my head shaved. I've been considering having my head shaved for a while. But, I like to wear my hoody, which means I already have that chav aura about me, so wearing a hoody and a shaved head, i'm going to be chucked out of every shopping mall in the Country. Old women will cross the street rather than walk past me, 21 year old women in a Burberry tracksuit, with multi-coloured kids and a fag behind her ear will take a liking to me. I'll become part of a 'crew' and start saying "heavy" and "blap". Alternatively, I could end up looking like an uglier Shane Ward. Which is worse.
The stigma of having a shaved head just isn't worth it. So, I may just continue to wear my hat and smile quite cheesy.
It may be wrong, and slightly disturbing that I seem to have more head on my chest than my head. I could of course just shave my chest and stick it to my head, but I think that may just look worse.
Could be worse, I could be a ridiculous female, with other people's hair glued to their heads and called 'extensions'. They annoy the fuck out of me. How disgusting.
We're all beautiful in our own special way. Unless you're fat. Or spotty. Or deformed in any way. But apart from that, we're all beautiful. Well maybe not you, but I fucking am. With or without head hair! And if you disagree, or mention goats, i'm going to get one of my Imperial guards to cut your face off. Deal?
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