 Damn Prince2008-Jul-31 |
Jamie Smith
Deviantart
****
Prince just broke my iTunes.
Seriously.
He was telling me, that I could actually be the most beautiful girl in the World, and my iTunes just stopped responding. But, it keeps repeating Prince. Which is fine. I like Prince. I would have preferred it to crash on Oasis, or Dirty Pretty Things, but Prince is fine. I suppose it could have been worse. It could have stopped on McFly.
"Why do you have McFly on your iTunes, Jamie?" I hear you cry, on the edge of your seat, waiting in a sweaty anticipation for my answer.
Well, you no longer have to wait. I have McFly on my iTunes, because my taste in music ranges from American homie gangster style Notorious B.I.G, muffa fucka's, to "Oh christ, a member of the working class is stood right infront of us, don't look, it'll leave us alone".. Classical Beethoven, Vivaldi and Mozart.
McFly is the least of my embarrasments plaguing my life at the moment. Infact, i'm almost proud of my McFly songs.
For instance, on Saturday, Stacy and I ventured into Pizza Hut. My absolutely enormous penis started to tell me that it needed to piss (lol, i'm joking, it's actually smaller than a pea, doctors are baffled). The Gents is situated up a flight of stairs. So, I start my way up the stairs, when my left foot suddenly decides it's not happy with my right foot, and trips me over. I make it into a little hop, so it looks like it was done purposely. It clearly didn't manage to fool anyone, given the massive thud, accompanied by a clear and concise "ouch" eminating from my mouth. The people on the table just under the stairs, who just so happened to be people my age, looked, laughed, and proceeded to talk about the idiot on the stairs for a good few minutes.
It's embarrasing being me sometimes.
Not too long ago, whilst walking through town, someone shouted "JAMIE" really fucking loudly. Naturally, I turned to look. Unnaturally, i shouted "YEAH?" The look the guy gave me was one of absolute disgust. As if he'd caught me pulling my boxers down, and shitting in the street........ No, it was worse than that look, it was as if i was a friend of the guy shitting in the street, with my hand cupped underneath his arsehole, whilst shouting "CUNT" at every old woman that walked by. The look you're now giving this blog entry, because you're disgusted, is the look he gave me. And there was no shitting or cunt-yelling involved. I simply answered his cry of JAMIE..... ok so the Jamie he was talking to wasn't me, but still! Surely that's an easy mistake to make?
That very same day, I strolled into Waterstones, just to look around. One of the shop assistants was blatantly following me around as soon as I walked through the door. I can't blame him, I had my hat on and my hoody up... it was cold!!! But I did, admittedly, look a likely candidate for shop lifter of the day. So it's understandable. So, i'm now nervous, and with nerves, comes a guilty look, as if i've got a bag full of stolen books. What is the street worth of The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde these days? I'm sure I could get a fortune in South East London for The Picture of Dorien Grey and The Importance of being Ernest.
So i'm overly nervous. By which time I decide to smile, to make me seem more friendly and less likely to pull an Uzi out of my jacket. So i'm smiling, but walking nervously..........straight through the Childrens section.
Wonderful. All the adults are on the other side of the book shelf. I'm now the only adult, walking through a childs section, with my hood up, smiling. I may aswell have walked through with a Gary Glitter tshirt on, it'd have the same affect.
Want to be embarrassed? Come town with Jamie.
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