 Londons meat crises2008-Aug-18 |
Do you remember Nanna from The Royle Family? Some of the best lines ever, came from her, in that show.
Emma - "No thanks, i'm a vegitarian"
Nanna - "What is she Barbara?"
Barbara - "She's a vegitarian Nanna"
Nanna - "Oooo are you Emma, i am sorry"
Emma - "Yeah I am yeah"
Nanna - "Can she have wafer thin ham Barbara?"
The Royle Family reminds me of my grandparents house. They remind me of my family so much. The commonness. The way they speak. The things they say. They normality of family life is portrayed magnificently in that show, and therefore in my opinion, Caroline Aherne, who writes it and stars in it, is a absolute genius.
My grandma, is much like Nanna. The things she says, can provide some of the best entertainment. For example, I wrote this is a blog a while back. We all went out for a Sunday meal, big family meal, about a year ago. My grandma found the restaurant from a business card that came through the door. On the back of the card was the number and email address of the Restaurant. On the front, was the number of the artist who desiged the card. She rang the artist and tried to book a table for seven.
She's a genius.
No much more so, than when it comes to my University placement. The stuff she's said, has just been legendary, over the past couple of weeks to my mum....
"Oooo what's he going to do about meat?"
Eh? Does London have a meat shortage i'm unaware of? Do they only eat carrots in London? What an odd thing to worry about.
"He'll need pots and pans and stuff, so i'll help with that, I have a tea spoon from Wilkos he can have."
THANK GOD!!!! I don't know what I would have done. It's one thing to have a London meat crises, it's another to be unable to make tea. Do you know when you have to sound grateful? Like when you get a shit present at Christmas from your Grandparents, like a disgustingly self knitted jumper, that your mum makes you wear for christmas dinner, to show them that you're ever so grateful? Well, yes, one tea spoon.......
"What's he going to do about his shopping? Where's he going to get food from!!!!!!!"
London, with it's beautifully green meadows, it's poppy fields with no sign of civilisation for miles on end, it's acre upon acre of exquisite, serene Countryside, must have a shop somewhere in it. I hear Oxford Street has a shop now. Oooo.
And here's the killer....
"Oh my god, i've just had a scary thought. Warn him about all the puffs in London wont you."
The puffs. I assume she means gay people. Either that or there has just been an influx of bean bag type seats invading London.
She's not worried about the number of knife crime victims, more about me getting bummed by a Phantom Gay.
What if a "puff" works in the one and only shop in London, and in that shop, is the only place I can by meat?
What the fuck do I do then?
I haven't given this enough thought.
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| Post A Comment! |
2008-Aug-18 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Twist |
Yeah you wanna watch for them puffs. They're sneaky bastards. I heard there was one in London what was sellin' meat and pots and pans!
You might need to invest in a chastity belt. Although where you'd find one of those in London is beyond me.. *ahem*Soho*cough*. |
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2008-Aug-18 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by thedietcokeofevil |
| man, you should totally work it out with a male friend to come home for Christmas or something and pass him off as your lover. Just to see the look on her face. Or you know... maybe not, if you're afraid it might kill her. |
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2008-Aug-19 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by LadyVisine |
don't tell your sweet granny, but we sell Cheese Puffs here in the USA. ;)
I'd love to sit and listen to your family for a few hours.. I've learned that sometimes, some folks will be so brilliantly hilarious, and it's always refreshing because it's NOT scripted. :) |
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