 Dark Stacy2008-Oct-12 |
Some people are afraid of spiders, some of snakes. Others, more deadly fears like falling from great heights or being buried alive. There is no doubt that being buried alive, watching the Earth close around you, catching your final glimpse of a sun that you have always paid very little attention to, never realising it's true beauty until that very second when the final drops of Earth cover slowly cover your view from that very ball of gas that has enriched your every waking moment. You'd realise, at that very second, just how much you miss that sun.
Similarly, when the metaphorical drops of Earth cover my eyes once a month, I realise just how much i'm going to miss the girlfriend I have for three weeks every month, because when those three weeks, turn into the fourth week, she slowly but ever so recognisably turns into what I have come to refer to as "Dark Stacy". It's easy to use the buried alive metaphor in this case. It's a great metaphor to use. Death closing in on every side of you, is very much equivalent to the female menstrual cycle. The sun, the symbol of hope and warmth, peace and love, just slowly blocked out. But unlike being buried alive, where you slowly die and that's it, the female menstrual cycle, for us ever suffering men, means we die a horribly painful death once a month.
You women may very well have a horrible pain in your tummy, a pain that us men would stay in bed all week if we were to have, you may very well deal with pain a lot better than us men, but we have to put out the fires you women create when you throw sparks at everyone and everything going. We have to destroy the seeds that you plant before they turn into a swamp monster, eating up everything in it's path.
Stacy is crazy on period week. Nothing is free from her wrath. If you're reading this on her period week, you should know, she fucking hates you. She doesn't need to know you, but you already piss her off.
She'll be driving, the person infront may take three seconds to pull away after the light turns green. Stacy wants them to pull away after two seconds. The third second is where I put my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes tightly shut, waiting for the Stacy grenade to explode into a shower of smouldering "TWAT!!!"s and "FOR FUCK SAKE!!"s all over the place.
The male mind is evolving constantly. We endlessly require an upgrade in our minds, in order to cope with the mystical new issues, hidden by the use of ingenious and subtle language women present to us on a daily basis.
*Woman Sighs*
Man - "Are you alright?"
Woman - "YES!"
Clearly, yes means no. It's took us a while to figure this out. It's taking me a while to learn that even though she says yes but means no, it doesn't mean i should keep asking what's wrong, even though she keeps saying she's fine when clearly she isn't. But, I should ask at least twice, because if I take the "YES" as a "YES" instead of a "NO", then it shows that I don't care, and so I must keep asking, but not so much that I'm being "clingy".
It's a catch 22, which you females have perfected. I'm positive you do it on purpose. You don't like us men to see that little glimmer of sun light. You get joy, during that week (I believe the Bible refers to that week, merely as "hell") from shoveling the Earth onto the last remnants of life we have last.
I envy the gays.
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